Procrastinating the procurement of victuals

Right, that's two weeks of summer vacation down. I'm supposed to be out grocery shopping right now but I'm talking to you all instead. Because: SUMMER!

There have been highlights: taking P's sister and brother-in-law to the lake for enchiladas and a spectacular sunset, H getting her learner's permit (for driving), P and C and I attending a mini-Maker Faire in our little town.

And there have been lowlights: mostly the fact that H was sick as a dog from the time school let out until just a couple of days ago, and that I have been suffering from Yet Another Malady that shall remain unnamed but rest assured that I am not dying. Not from this, anyway. Oh, and P has been working CRAZY hours. So yeah.

I've gotten emails asking about C and his misophonia and how things are going there, and I have to tell you, things are (knock wood) the best they've been in a couple of years, really. We've discovered that managing his anxiety is the key to managing both his misophonia and the depression that goes along with it. Right now he's taking 10 mg of Lexapro and 7.5 mg of Abilify per day. He's not doing any therapy in addition to that because he started getting a weird rebound kind of thing from the neurotherapy he was doing, where he would be fine all week long but then be SUPER anxious and sensitive for a good 24 hours after his therapy session. So we stopped that. He has good days and bad days but on the good days he can have conversations with both P and H, which is just unbelievably fantastic considering there was a time not too long ago when he couldn't stand to hear either of them breathing. So that's all good.

I only managed to buy one tomato plant this year and it has exactly one tomato on it. One tiny, very green tomato. The blossoms keep falling off without making any fruit. My dad the master gardener told me to sprinkle some epsom salt around it but either I didn't use enough, or I used too much, or I suck at growing tomatoes. Probably that last one given my track record. Oh well. At least the herbs look pretty good, except the dill and the Thai basil. The kaffir lime looks AMAZING but now I can't remember how I'm supposed to cook with it. Oy.

Alrighty, then. Those grass-fed ribeyes that P requested for his Father's Day dinner aren't going to buy themselves. Have a great weekend, and happy day to all you dads out there. Especially my dad. And my sweet P.

Callooh! Callay!

Hello, summer break has officially begun over here and I have been trying to spend less time on the computer. You know, more time doing real things and less time doing pretend computery things. Sometimes those real things take the form of watching old episodes of Bewitched and eating pork rinds, or reading Jenny Lawson's book and eating roasted chicken nuts, but whatever. IT ALL COUNTS.

(And by "roasted chicken nuts" I mean mixed nuts -- walnuts and cashews and soforth -- that taste like roasted chicken. That is a thing I invented. You take some raw mixed nuts, right, and you toast them in a pan with sea salt, freshly ground pepper, garlic powder, rosemary, thyme and sage and also a little ghee or butter or olive oil. Well, what would YOU call them?)

I bought these shoes ridiculously cheap on Woot:

Like, seriously cheap. Crazy cheap. I've-spent-more-on-crappy-fake-shoes-at-Payless cheap. I ordered them one size too big and I constantly live in fear that my right pinky toe will escape its little compartment, because my right foot is about half a size smaller than my left foot, but other than that I love them. I honestly had no plans to wear them outside the house except maybe to walk the dog at night (they are very reflective) but I got so many negative comments on this photo when I posted/showed it to people that now I want to wear them ALL THE TIME TO ALL THE PLACES. Because that's how my brain works.

I get a little weird in the summer. I probably should have warned you.

May is confusing

Hey, so forget what I said about summer never coming. My last post broke the weather. It's been in the 90s here ever since. And hazy. And humid. I'm pretty sure we've set records this month for both low AND high temperatures, but at this point it's (maybe)(I hope) safe to say that summer is here.

And I am glad because I've been chomping at the bit to get my herb garden going this year and the late freezes were bumming me right out. But when the low temperatures are higher than the high temperatures were the week before (I know, right?), it's time to plant. So I did.

The cast of characters on the Table of Joy so far this season: garlic chives, regular old chives, Greek oregano, cilantro (about to bolt), bay laurel, German thyme, fernleaf dill (eaten almost to oblivion by a swallowtail caterpillar who disappeared yesterday, possibly into the tummy of that robin up there), Thai basil, spicy globe basil, German thyme, kaffir lime, Mexican marigold (a tarragon substitute), stevia, flatleaf parsley, sage, some ancient mint I've had forever that is threatening to jump its pot, rosemary (not pictured as it lives elsewhere in the yard), and my dad tells me I can eat that portulaca up there because portulaca = purslane. I think this is the most rabbit food I've ever grown at one time. So that's exciting, eh?

Also exciting: there is a plum on our plum tree! Every day we go out and fondle it to see if it's ripe. It's not. I hope we get it before the birds do.

I don't think we'll get any pecans this year, and the berry patch is dead, but my fig tree tree that I THOUGHT was dead has chosen life and is leafing out like gangbusters. We probably won't get any figs this year either, but maybe next year. If it doesn't die again.

(You would think the child of a master gardener and an extremely green-thumbed plant lady would not be such a murderer of flora, but the dead snake plant on my kitchen windowsill begs to differ. Also, he -- his name is, or was, Eggbert -- would like some water. And a new home.)

(See also: Arnold, the half-dead aloe vera in my office.)

(The not-quite-dead/getting-better fig tree's name is Ferdinand, in case you were wondering.)

(I feel like this post has gone horribly off the rails.)

Let's see, what else is going on?

H has four days left of school after today, and then she will be a sophomore, holy crap. C is trying to get me hooked on multiplayer video games and it's kind of working. P is my hero for pulling a splinter out of my left index finger the other day because splinters are my kryptonite and I'm pretty sure the neighbors thought I was dying and/or giving birth while all that screaming was going on. I scored a pair of Banana Republic olive green linen shorts for 99 cents at a thrift store yesterday while shopping with my parents, who know all the good places to go.

I am ready for summer. No really, I am. Bring it.

Neverending spring

What's happening around here? Well, I'll tell you.

C is busy applying to colleges that will allow him to take only one online class per semester.

H is busy getting physical therapy for tendonitis in her knees.

P is busy working and working and working some more.

The dog is busy being a pain in my ass.

I am busy having tummyaches and trying to figure out why. And also I am reading Ken Jennings's Maphead, which is a book about maps/geography and the people who love them/it, and it turns out I like reading about the former very much but the latter not so much. Because people suck.

This has been the longest winter/spring ever and I seriously cannot believe how cool it's been here in central Texas. I feel partially responsible because I bought a bunch of shorts at Old Navy the other day and since then it's been warm enough to wear them maybe twice. So I probably screwed up the weather with my shopping. Way to go, me. I know I shouldn't complain about the lack of warmth but oh look, here I am, complaining. When I'm whining in October about OMG WHY IS IT STILL SO HOT?! then you have every right to tell me to shut the hell up, except I don't think it's going to be hot in October because I don't think summer is ever going to get here, wah wah.

Are you watching Rectify? It's so, so good. And Game of Thrones this season, OMG! And Bates Motel is BIG FUN and so much better than I thought it would be. Ditto Hannibal. On the other hand, I'm not at all liking this season of Doctor Who even though Clara is a pretty great Companion. I gave up on Orphan Black after about the third episode. And I barely got through the pilot of Defiance. So there you go.

I have nothing to talk about apart from my health, television and the weather. I'm totally your mom. OMG.

I'm going to write about happy things

Happy things have been happening at my house, and by God, I am going to tell you about them. Because I've learned that it's okay to be happy about the happy things while still being sad about the sad things. BECAUSE I'M IN THERAPY.

Happy Thing The First: P and C had birthdays this past week! I made P that horrible cake you see up there. (I did not eat it, but I'm told it tasted much less horrible than it looked.)(Also, I totally was not drunk when I decorated that cake, I swear.)(Also, C's cake looked a little bit better than that one. Not a lot, but a little bit.) P and I went out to lunch for his birthday and drank beer and I had a DELICIOUS bun-free burger and we may have discovered a new favorite restaurant. C used some of his birthday money to buy a turntable so he and I have been thrifting vinyl and you guys? Goodwill only charges a dollar for vinyl albums! And they have some awesome stuff. The boy has very eclectic taste in music and has picked up everything from folk to swing to jazz to audiobooks on vinyl. He is amassing quite a collection and it's thrilling to see him discover this medium. Music was this kid's first language, y'all, no lie.

Happy Thing The Second: H is getting an academic award at school! I know! She has struggled a bit this year, not because she can't do the work, but because sometimes the instructions aren't clear and the substitute teachers lose her papers (? according to the non-substitute teacher, anyway) and yeah, weird stuff that has nothing to do with her intellectual ability. She is whip-smart but often she doesn't believe that, so this is sort of thrilling and affirming and we are SO PROUD of her because hello, we knew she was smart all along! And, since she doesn't believe us, now we have objective proof. Yay!

Happy Thing The Third: C has graduated high school! Yes! That is a high school diploma you see up there! (Along with an honor roll certificate. This is apparently the blog post where I brag about HOW FLIPPING SMART my kids are. Just go with it.) Lincoln Academy is a fully accredited online high school but there aren't any classes or instruction really; the kids just take five general proficiency tests and when they pass, they get their diploma. C passed all of his tests on Monday and the diploma arrived in the mail yesterday and his 17th birthday was Wednesday and yeah, he is DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL. Forever. Which is just so weird and wonderful. (Related: if you have an online university you LOVE, please let me know in the comments. We are beginning the search now.)

Random Assorted Bits Of Happy: The hippy grocery store near me carries Hail Merry tarts and macaroons, OMG. These things are paleo AND vegan and just generally delicious. They are expensive, though. But that's good because it keeps me from buying (and eating) them by the case. (This not an ad. I just love these things.) Also: the weather has been MOSTLY gorgeous here in the evenings for grilling dinner on the patio, and that is my absolute favorite thing to do and place to be. Plus: I've discovered some of the weeds in my yard are edible. Huh. Additionally: I have been making my sidecars with rye instead of cognac about 60% of the time lately. Just so you know. Furthermore: I am still maintaining my weight loss from last year EVEN WHILE EATING TARTS AND MACAROONS. And drinking sidecars. With or without rye. I'm going to chalk this up to getting 90% of my grains in liquid distilled/fermented form since the first of the year. (The other 10% consists of rice and the occasional corn tortilla chip. Because I'm not giving up sushi and chips&salsa for nobody. Not even for MY body.)

Hello, April

The first quarter of the year is kind of tough for me, I think maybe because I've attended WAY too many January, February and March funerals in my lifetime. You know, so far.

I lost one of my best friends from high school to AIDS 19 years ago this past January, and my mother-in-law to cancer just one month after that. I lost my first grandparent, my Grandpa M, 14 years ago in January and my Grandma M three years ago this past March and of course my last grandparent, my Grandpa R, in February of this year. That is a lot, I think. A lot of people I loved, all gone during the first three months of any given year. It can feel a bit overwhelming.

If the rest of you could spread that shit out a little, plan your deaths for the summer or autumn months (MANY YEARS FROM NOW, obviously, let's not get crazy), that would be swell. Okay? But not June or July because those are already taken. And not September, that's my birthday. August would be good. Or May. How are you all feeling?

But hey, it's April now! And April, at least in our family, is all about BIRTHDAYS! Husband P, Son C, most of P's siblings, a few assorted inlaws and extended family members all have birthdays this month (please don't die in April). So that's all swell.

C turns 17 this month, and also probably graduates high school, and H has a callback audition on a Very Exciting Project, and also she'll start driver's ed, and I'm going to buy SO MANY herb and tomato plants this month. And then plant them. And then eat them.

Game of Thrones is back, I'm reading Louise Penny's The Cruelest Month, and Adam Ant has a new album out. It's all good, you guys. BECAUSE IT'S APRIL.

I'm ready for some new beginnings

Life, you guys. It's been happening in spades around here. I kept thinking SURELY things would settle down and then I could tell you all about it, you know, once it was OVER. Once things were calm and settled. But hey, we'll all grow old waiting for that to happen.

Big changes are happening for my boy C. (In case you don't know us and landed here via a search engine: C has Asperger Syndrome, misophonia, OCD, severe anxiety and depression, and mild Tourette Syndrome.) A couple of weeks ago it became obvious that his current school situation, whereby a Homebound Education teacher from his high school comes to our house for two hours twice a week to instruct him, was not working anymore. His misophonia and anxiety level were such that he could not be in the room with her for the two hours she was here, even if she wrote everything down instead of speaking. So, long story short, we are withdrawing him from school. Ostensibly we'll be homeschooling him but really he's going to do this credit-by-exam thing and just graduate early (he is a junior in high school this year). This could potentially be a done deal within a matter of weeks.

We're also adding a new med, starting tomorrow. C is already on Lexapro and has had success with it. It does seem to take the edge off his anxiety somewhat and allows him to go out in public occasionally as long as he's careful about protecting his ears. But lately he's been having more depression and OCD-type stuff going on -- more the obsessive thoughts than the compulsive behaviors -- and also some rage issues that aren't caused by misophonia triggers. His doctor thought he could benefit from a mood stabilizer that works in concert with the Lexapro, so tomorrow morning we'll add Abilify to the mix (stepping him up slowly) and see how he does.

Let's not talk about how terrified I am to have my kid on both SSRIs and anti-psychotics and instead focus on how these drugs, when properly prescribed, save lives, shall we? And can we also not talk about the swirl of emotions I feel over him graduating early and in this manner when his education has been both my full-time job and my single biggest source of stress for the past 12 years? Please? Can we? Okay. Thank you.

Moving right along, I have been plagued by a series of maladies since I got back from my grandfather's funeral last month, one right after another, and long story short (again) I'm taking Cipro now. So we're ALL on the scary drugs up in here. But mine is temporary, I hope, thank goodness. I just want to be able to kill the pain with bourbon healthy again.

One good thing: C and I have made a point, at least once a week, of getting out in nature for a few hours. My Series of Neverending Maladies has made this somewhat difficult, but by God, we are persevering over here. It helps us both so much, just hiking and exploring and getting fresh air. C never really played outdoors much as a kid; he had a crippling fear of flying insects for years. So much like he finally learned to ride a bicycle without training wheels when he was 10, he's learning how to wade through creeks and jump from rock to rock and dig interesting stones out of the dirt at almost 17. Better late than never, I say!

Also: the weather has been gorgeous here. Our plum tree had a gazillion buds on it this year, the elm trees along our back fence are leafing out, the daffodils are up, and best of all daylight saving time has arrived! Woo! Now I don't have to grill in the dark.

I am ready for Spring and all it represents. BRING IT.

Re-entry is hard

Well, that was not a fun week I had just then. I don't want to be whiny but coming home from your grandfather's funeral to find out both of your kids have slacked off on school to an alarming degree (this involved a 10pm phone call from one teacher and a midnight email from another) and then finding yourself in excruciating pain with a non-working limb (my left arm, good thing I don't use that one much) a couple of days later would make anyone crabby, right? I think so.

I did not break my arm or anything, don't worry. It was just a Transient Sleep Injury of the left shoulder. TSI is an acronym I made up because I get these dern things ALL THE TIME. I will go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning feeling like I've had some sort of bizarre nocturnal surgery on a body part. That body part won't work for a few days, and then I'll go to sleep again on another day and wake up with everything 100% back to normal. Usually it's my right hip but this time it was my left shoulder, just to mix things up, I guess. This has been happening for about 20 years so I'm going to guess it's not fatal? Just super inconvenient. And stupid.

Anyway, my shoulder is a wee bit better but my allergies are awful and I think we have the school thing straightened out but I still might be willing to sell one or more of my children to the highest bidder as long as you promise to feed them occasionally and teach them to drive and send them to college. And then I'll buy them back from you. With a markup, even! Yeah.

I finished Where'd You Go, Bernadette and I LOVED IT SO MUCH and now I'm reading Karin Fossum's The Indian Bride, which is one of her Inspector Sejer books, because I love that guy. I'm also reading Wheat Belly and it's kind of blowing my mind. And yesterday I bought a real book! Not a Kindle book! Because C and I were out and about and we had to pee and the library was the closest place and the bathrooms are right near the book sale and they had Jennifer Egan's A Visit from the Goon Squad in paperback for $1. So that's how that happened. Now I'll have to see if there are any reading glasses around here that the dog hasn't eaten.

But first my one working arm and I have to go buy some groceries. Yep. Have a good weekend.

Things I learned while traveling to and from Ohio by way of Tennessee to attend my grandfather's funeral

I can't read on airplanes. I have to listen to music instead. I'm not sure why this is. I started that lovely book up there, Where'd You Go Bernadette by Maria Semple, the night before I left and I did not realize until after I'd arrived back home four days later that it's actually hilariously funny. Huh.

My sister-in-law's childhood piano was autographed by Liberace. The real Liberace, for real, that is not fake, that really happened. What a random and wonderful thing, eh?

Other cities have a bunch more grocery store chains than we do here in the ATX. Just within two miles of my brother's house in Nashville there is a Kroger, a Harris Teeter, and another store I can't remember the name of right now. Within two miles of my house, there is an H-E-B. Within ten miles of my house there is an H-E-B and about five more H-E-Bs. I mean sure, we have Walmart and Target and various "natural" grocery stores and whatnot, but we have no double coupon days, I guess is what I'm complaining about here.

Cincinnati's world-famous Skyline Chili is not paleo. But I ate a 5-Way anyway, and it was delicious.

My two oldest cousins have not aged a day in 20 years. I don't want to start any nasty rumors or anything, but I think they MIGHT be bathing in the blood of virgins. Maybe. Allegedly. That's all I'm saying.

In completely separate incidents over the course of his almost 93 years, my grandfather saved an astounding number of people from drowning. Just drowning, specifically. He was never a lifeguard or in the Coast Guard or Navy or any of that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right time on several occasions. Another random and wonderful thing.

Sometimes cremation urns are too tall to fit in their designated niches at mausoleums. That was an awkward moment. But then Grandpa WAS very tall in life, so I'm not sure why any of us were surprised.

If you see someone, like me for instance, wearing an Ohio State shirt with the acronym TBDBITL, that stands for The Best Damn Band In The Land, because they are. And this rather long but totally worth it video demonstrates why.

Snowflakes gently swirling about as you walk around The Ohio State University campus sipping coffee with your brother are charming, but white-out blizzards while you're driving down the interstate trying to get the hell out of Dodge (or Columbus, as the case may be) are sort of terrifying. No more need be said about that, really.

There's no place like home. Ditto.